(The following was written by a life-long Chicago Bears fan, me, getting ready to serve some crow, beaks, feathers, and all…)
“Conan! What is best in life?” “Crush your enemies , see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women!” - from the 1982 film Conan the Barbarian
They are who we thought they were, although there is no truth to the rumor that NFL Ayatollah Roger Goodell has ordered Samsonite to produce footballs with briefcase handles for the Detroit Lions’ next game…just in case, you know.
The Lions walked into Soldier Field on Sunday believing they were the better team, so much so that Calvin Johnson(notes) was already talking about the touchdown celebration he’d planned. They were carried out of Soldier Field late Sunday afternoon, believing that they were lucky the game was only four quarters long.
The Chicago Bears destroyed the visitors, forcing six turnovers en route to a 37-13 rout.
This Lion “performance” lacked only Keystone Kops theme music for complete ineptitude. They were overwhelmed in every phase of the game. From now on, anyone mentioning the words “playoffs” and “Lions” in the same sentence had better be referring to the fact that the Lions aren’t going any time soon, if today’s game is any indication.
Where to begin?
Calvin Johnson fumbled, Bryan Urlacher (naturally) recovered and advanced the ball, a handful of plays later Matt Forte(notes) (who else?) scored, and the blow-out had officially begun.
Five plays later, Nate Burleson(notes) fumbled, Tim Jennings(notes) recovered, and the Bears would turn this largess into a field goal.
Before they could even work up a sweat, the Lions found themselves in a ten-point hole on the road in the first quarter.
Remember the phrase “in a hole.” Some would call this “foreshadowing.”
Before the second quarter was a minute old, the Bears had added another field goal, and the Lions had made the mistake of punting to Devin Hester(notes).
Quoth the Road Runner, “Beep beep!”
15:45 into the game, the Lions were on the wrong side of a very lopsided 20-0 score.
The Lions managed to cut into the massive Bear lead by halftime, putting a couple of field goals on the board…aaaand that would be about as much fight as the Pretty Kitties from the Motor City would put up on this particular Sunday.
On their second offensive play of the second half, Matthew Stafford(notes) threw a pick-6.
27-6 Bears.
On their sixth offensive play of the second half, Matthew Stafford threw another pick-6.
34-6 Bears.
Handed a 28-point lead after the defense had forced yet another punt, the Bear offense kicked a field goal to make it a 31-point lead because, well, why not?
Better yet, the Bears also managed to dish out a little wall-to-wall counseling in this game. Calvin Johnson got blown up by Lance Briggs(notes), but then Megatron was always pwned by Optimus Prime. Matthew Stafford, after throwing his third interception of the day, tried some sissified helmet-grabbing and got blown up by D.J. Moore(notes) for his insolence. Stafford, the tough guy, would toss yet another interception later but wisely chose to avoid any further personal confrontations, having been smacked in his cake-hole enough for one day.
Beaten badly, these Lions have now dropped three of their last four games and are officially in a tail-spin. They can’t run the ball at all, and teams have figured out how to take either Stafford or Johnson out of the game. The defense, for all of its talking and bullying, still can’t stop the run. Someone, somewhere (probably along I-75) will try to make the argument that the Lions defense shut down the Bears offense on this day, that neither Jay Cutler(notes) nor Matt Forte truly contributed to this win. Someone right here will say that all the Bears’ offense needed to do on this day was protect the ball, run the clock out, and watch in awe as the defense dished out an old-fashioned country butt-kicking. With their defense unable to defend and their offense unable to offend, the Lions are starting to look like the frauds some knucklehead said they were last weekend .
Their schedule tells me that they are about to look a lot more fraudulent in the coming weeks, as they have to face Green Bay twice, visit New Orleans, visit Oakland, and host San Diego.
That’s how a 5-0 start collapses into an 8-8 finish.
Meanwhile, the Bears have now officially announced themselves as serious playoff contenders, winning four straight and five of their last six. On a day in which the opponent was imploding with more than a little urging from a ball-hawking defense, the offense did the sensible thing and didn’t do anything insensible. There were no particular Mike Martz flights of fancy in this one, nor did there need to be. This rout needed to stick.
The defense, having played at a playoff-level for much of the season, put together an absolutely dominant performance. Yes, Matthew Stafford threw for 366 yards, but most of that happened when the game was already decided; besides, that 47.4 quarterback rating will go a long way to ameliorating all those passing yards.
Right now, the Bears are playing the kind of team-oriented football that plays well in January.
There was a time, back in September, when yours truly was a bit worried about the schedule down the stretch.
Now, however?
Bring on the AFC West. There’s not a team in that division playing as well on both sides of the football as the Bears are playing right now, not one. On the NFC side of the ledger, the Atlanta Falcons shot themselves in the foot on Sunday and have fallen into a big group of teams on the wrong side of the playoff divide, all of whom are just flawed enough to keep them from being able to get any separation from each other in the race for the last couple of playoff slots.
Unlike last season’s playoff run, this year’s Bears are not the beneficiaries of every other team’s bad week. This season, the Bears, once they got themselves righted, are now forcing bad play from their opponents. They are not merely opportunistic, but are in fact creating the opportunities that they are exploiting.
The best part about this team? They are not satisfied. Whether it’s Matt Forte’s unresolved contract situation (pay the man!), or Lance Briggs feeling unloved again, or whether Mike Martz’ offense can translate to a bunch of no-names, or a stretch of games that left certain people questioning their onions, this team still has a huge chip on its shoulder. They seem bent on reducing whoever is in front of them to rubble, a quality that will serve them well in the weeks to come, as the calender gets smaller and the wins get bigger.
As for this week?
Message sent. Frauds exposed.
Next up?
The reeling San Diego Chargers, losers of their last four in a row, a team on the verge of open mutiny.
Here’s hoping they come to Chicago seeking a balm and finding only more blisters.
Sources:
Yahoo! Sports
NFL.com
Pro-Football-Reference.com
IMDB.com
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